If You're Struggling With Anger, You're Not Alone
Perhaps you've promised yourself countless times that it won't happen again. Then something happens. You feel provoked, criticised, ignored, rejected or treated unfairly and, before you've had time to think, you're angry again.
You may shout, argue, become defensive or aggressive, or say things you deeply regret afterwards. Or perhaps most of your anger stays inside, becoming resentment, irritation, passive-aggression or a constant feeling that something isn't right.
Afterwards can come remorse, shame and another promise that next time will be different.
I don't think that necessarily makes you an angry person.
I see you as someone who may have developed an automatic angry response. That distinction matters because automatic responses can be understood and changed.
For more than twenty-five years, I have worked with people from many different backgrounds whose anger was affecting their relationships, families, work and lives.
You are certainly not alone.
Anger Is Usually Not the Real Problem
One of the most important things I've learned from working with anger is that anger seldom tells us the whole story.
Beneath it I often find hurt, rejection, betrayal, fear, a sense of injustice or a terrible feeling of powerlessness. Sometimes I find love and loyalty too. We can become angry because somebody we care about has been hurt, because something important to us feels threatened or because we desperately want another person to understand something that matters deeply to us.
None of this excuses behaviour that hurts other people.
We remain responsible for what we do.
But condemning yourself for becoming angry doesn't help you understand why it keeps happening. Neither does simply being told to calm down or count to ten.
Understanding what is happening beneath the anger gives us a much more useful place to start.
Why Do I Keep Losing My Temper?
Many of the people I've worked with understand perfectly well that their anger isn't helping them.
They know they shouldn't shout. They know an argument is escalating. They may even know, while they're saying something, that they're going to regret it.
Yet knowing all of that doesn't necessarily stop the reaction.
That's because an angry response can become
conditioned and automatic. The reaction can begin before you've had much opportunity to think about what you're doing, which is why simply trying harder not to become angry is often not enough.
For more than twenty-five years, much of my work with anger has focused on understanding
what happens between the trigger and the angry response.
What happened?
What did it mean to you?
What happened inside you?
And how did that become anger?
When you begin to recognise that process while it is happening, you create an opportunity to interrupt something that previously seemed automatic.
That is where change begins.
A Different Approach to Anger Management
I don't believe lasting change comes simply from teaching somebody techniques for controlling their temper.
My approach has developed through more than twenty-five years of working directly with people whose anger was damaging their relationships and affecting their lives.
I don't teach you about anger as though it were an academic subject.
We work with your anger.
Your triggers. Your relationships. The situations in which things go wrong. What happens before you become angry. Why particular situations affect you so strongly. And where there may be an opportunity to interrupt the reaction before anger takes control.
You will learn to understand your anger, but that understanding comes through working with
your own real experiences, rather than studying anger as a subject.
This is practical, active work. I will listen, but I won't simply sit silently while you talk. I will ask questions, challenge assumptions where appropriate and help you look more closely at what is actually happening when anger takes over.
We begin working with your anger from our first session.
My Six-Session Anger Management Programme
I offer a structured
six-session Anger Management Programme, delivered personally by me at my private practice in Shrewsbury.
Contact me if you would like an initial session before committing to the programme.
This is not a group course and you won't be passed to another practitioner. The six sessions are
private, face-to-face and focused on you.
The programme gives us time to understand your particular pattern of anger, work with the situations in which it occurs and help you put what you are learning into practice in everyday life.
Although the programme has a clear purpose, it isn't a rigid one-size-fits-all curriculum. Every person's anger is different. Your history, relationships, triggers and circumstances are your own, so we work with what is actually happening in
your life.
The aim isn't simply to get you through six sessions.
The aim is to give you an understanding you can continue using long after the six sessions have finished.
What We'll Work On Together
We'll look at the situations that trigger your anger and what happens emotionally as the reaction begins.
We'll explore why particular situations have so much power, what may be happening beneath the anger and how your response may have become automatic over time.
We'll also look for the point at which something different becomes possible — before an automatic reaction becomes an argument, an outburst or something you later regret.
This isn't about suppressing legitimate feelings, making you passive or taking away your confidence and assertiveness.
You can disagree with somebody. You can say no. You can stand up for yourself. You can set boundaries. You can challenge something you genuinely believe is wrong.
You can do all of those things without being controlled by anger.
More Than Managing Anger
The phrase
anger management can suggest that the best you can hope for is to spend the rest of your life managing and controlling something inside you.
I aim for more than that.
Anger rarely gives us what we're trying to achieve with it. Over time it can destroy trust, erode love, damage relationships and leave us increasingly isolated from the very people who matter most.
But an automatic response doesn't have to remain automatic forever.
When you begin to recognise what is happening before anger takes over, you have the opportunity to respond differently.
The aim isn't to turn you into somebody who never becomes angry. Anger is a normal human emotion and there are times when it tells us that something matters.
The aim is for anger to stop deciding what you do next.
Private, Personal and Confidential
Some people who come to me have reached a point where it feels as though everyone sees only their anger.
Partners may be exhausted. Families may have withdrawn. Relationships may be under enormous strain. Work may be affected. Eventually, the person themselves can begin believing that anger is simply who they are.
I don't start from that position.
Behind the anger I very often meet someone who doesn't want to keep hurting the people they love, doesn't want to keep losing control and doesn't want to spend the rest of their life regretting what happens in moments of anger.
That's the person I'm interested in working with.
Our sessions are private and confidential, and you work directly with me throughout the programme.
Taking the First Step
If anger is damaging your relationship, affecting your family or work, or leaving you regretting things you have said or done, you don't have to wait until things become worse before doing something about it.
You don't need to understand why you're angry before contacting me.
Understanding that is part of the work we can do together.
The first step is simply to get in touch and tell me briefly what has been happening.
